Rebel in a Gown: Breaking the Rules We Never Agreed To - with Shelley Brown

Alex Husner  
Welcome to Alex & Annie, the real women of vacation rentals. I'm Alex and I'm Annie, and we are joined today for a very special episode. We have Shelley Brown, who is rebel in a gown. And to celebrate Shelly Brown and being the rebel in the gown. Annie and I are also dressed for the occasion. We are all dressed in our gowns today, on this Friday, playing dress up and podcasting Shelly. It's so good to see you.

Shelley Brown  
I'm so thrilled to be with you both. Thank you so much for having me. Well,

Annie Holcombe  
this is our second attempt, so we're going to embrace the mistake that we made the last time, which I think gave us the idea, or you brought the idea of like, let's just celebrate it and let's dress up. So thank you for the idea. I think it's a great way to end a week. So we're excited about that. But let's before we get started, I would love for you to tell us a little bit about you and your journey to being a rebel in the gown. Sure.

Shelley Brown  
Thanks so much. So I am from the hospitality industry. I like to say I was discovered working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. That much is true. I was working as a waitress. Didn't know what I wanted to do, and some people from a hotel came into my bar for a happy hour, and they're like, You're so weird. We love you. Come work for us. Next thing you know, I'm working in a hotel, and I found my people right away. So most of my career has been in the hospitality industry. I became a concierge, which is absolutely, absolutely perfect for somebody like me, because I wake up every day thinking, who can I make friends with today. Still to this day, the only thing that's bad about that is Uber has taken away my fun, because when I walk up to people on the street and I want to ask them if they need directions, they're like, no, just waiting on my pride share, yeah, it's kind of sad. But then went into travel technology, event management technology. I've worked in CVBS. I worked on the hotel side, and then I didn't continue to climb the corporate ladder. I fell off of it and found mindfulness. And then that is what started my speaking journey. I wanted to teach mindfulness in the corporate world, so I taught it with rock music. Realized my highest value is belonging, and then I started speaking on belonging. And then have just recently rebranded to Revlon again.

Alex Husner  
I love it absolutely. Love it well. And Shelly. I mean, you've, you've done some exceptional things in your career, you know, starting with hospitality side, but I mean, now you've moved on into, you know, really a motivational speaker, and somebody that works with a lot of large companies and and teams, and maybe just tell us a little bit more about like that, that journey that got you to where you are now, and what it is that you offer within the business. Sure. Thanks

Shelley Brown  
so much. So I knew that I wanted to be a speaker. And the reason that I knew was I taught fitness for 19 years, and I loved doing lunch and learns and making them fun, because people would come to technology, lunch and learns, and you would have to make the product offering, you know, a 6060, slide deck, interesting and fun, and it was my favorite thing to do, honestly, so after I was teaching mindfulness, and that was that was doing seminars and workshops, I just knew I wanted to do something bigger. And I wrote a talk about belonging. I knew I wanted to serve the industries that I'd come from, hospitality, technology, travel and events and tourism, and I just literally used my sales background. Started pitching this talk, and people started hiring me to speak. So initially I was speaking on belonging. I used the word weird as acronym, W, e, i, r, d, because as a kid, I was like the weird girl. And I think we all know what it's like to feel a little bit weird, but I'm artsy and I'm a little different, so I was like the weird girl. So I used it as an acronym in my talks, and it's welcoming, and it's not like, Hi, how are you? It's what's going on between my ears, because I need to welcome those thoughts so that I can make a choice about them. And then engaging. Obviously it's curiosity and listening and receiving the story of another person, receiving the idea of another, that somebody suggests that kind of engagement and integrating, looking at the whole picture of a person, for example, making sure that we're not looking at somebody like they're the last mistake they made and then risk taking. It's not jumping off a cliff, and it's not just vulnerability, it's it's sharing ideas. So that we can make it safe for other people to follow, and then delivering is the key to it all. It's delivering on all those things. So I started speaking on belonging, and then obviously, we've had a very interesting time this year, and I really did some soul searching, and I realized that while belonging is one of my highest values, it's not enough. It's not enough. It's more about legacy. It's more about noticing how we are leading with our own sense of belonging or lack thereof. And can we break some of those rules that have been ingrained in us, for example, for women, you know, we wear badass like this badge of honor, and maybe, you know, we don't lean into the other side of ourselves because we're being a badass, or we're wearing a badge of burnout, like, Oh, look at me. Look how hard I'm working, or the crown of perfection. We have a lot of really, really strong expectations that we have bought into men too, you know, vulnerability, things like that. So if we can rebel against those, and I don't mean loud and fierce, it could be soft and quiet. But in order for us to lead with legacy in mind, we cannot continue to perpetuate these things that we bought into. Because if we don't, if we don't stop perpetuating them, the next generation has to continue to do the same thing again. So it's kind of belonging to point. Oh, but it's more about legacy and what that means for results, what that means for culture, what that means for engagement. But everything has to obviously thread back to the bottom line, because that's why we're in business, and that's all what revel in a gown is about.

Annie Holcombe  
Oh, there's so much, and I love all of it. And I want to ask you, because a lot of what we talk about on the show is people's aha moments, the things that really sparked them to do the things that they're doing. So was that I know I started following you probably, I feel like, about two years ago, and then we connected maybe six or seven months ago. But you would always use this title for yourself, called the belongingologist. It's a big but was there something that happened to you along the way? I mean, you used the word weird, and you said you recalled weird. Was it? Was it some specific moment that they gave you this like, okay, that's what I need to focus on, is like the belonging and the bringing in other people and the ideas, or was it just a culmination of things through an early career?

Shelley Brown  
Wow, so it thanks. That's a great question. It was a million little things, and obviously, like, I have a childhood memory about being called Weird by the popular girl in school who found my journal. Seriously, oh gosh. But really what happened was I was an endurance athlete. I was a I was an ultra runner. I taught spinning. I had gone from being somebody who just loved, loved, loved serving and practicing hospitality and helping people as a concierge and and just loving that relationship part of of everything I've done, and then at some point I realized, like relationships and transactions, I had a hard time marrying the two, like in my sales career, being able to actually build relationships, understand what people needed, and then marrying that with the value is where I found my sweet spot in my career. But then I found that things became a lot more transactional, and I think as a result, I was trying to, like, be the badass. I was trying to be like, Oh, look at me. Look at how look I'm running another marathon. Oh, look, I'm teaching six spin classes. Oh, look, I'm climbing to the top of the KPI dashboard. And then I broke my back. My vertebrae collapsed, and it crushed the nerves going down my leg. And it was one of those moments where it's like, who am I without that? I couldn't walk, I couldn't run, I couldn't work, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't get out of pain. And I'm like, Who am I without the things that I use to identify myself? And it was, it was, I mean, a lot of people have that moment. People had it. Haven't now with job losses and things like that, people certainly had it during the pandemic, and that was my moment, like, oh my gosh, who am I without those things? And it gave me the opportunity to, like, really reach inside of myself, to figure out, like, what my values are, what I love, what lights me up. And it. I, like, broke open a lot of creativity. I started painting, I started doing art, I started writing, and I started speaking. So it was, it was really a pivotal moment when I injured myself.

Annie Holcombe  
Wow, that's that's a lot to do with, yeah,

Alex Husner  
and I've got so many questions. But like, what I really want is some examples of some of the things that you just covered. Because, you know, I've, I've, it all makes so much sense. But it's like, I think, you know, we can all. We can follow people, we can read things, we can like, understand concepts of, you know, personal development and how you want to, you know what you need to be doing right, or, like, how you need to change your life around. But sometimes it's hard in the day to day of like, okay, like, I need to understand what my values are once, how do I figure that out? One and then two? Once I know what they are, what is, what am I doing differently with that right? So like, for you, when you lost your the ability physically to do what in your mind, that was who you were, and you had to focus on what those values are, like, what did you what? What process did you go through? And did you do that alone, or did you do it with? Was a coach or something like that, like, how did you? How did you get through that? Yeah,

Shelley Brown  
thanks. So I started writing, and I wrote pain. I wrote like about the pain that I was in, and I would write every day, write and write and write. And then as I was healing, I started writing funny stuff. And it was really through a lot of writing that I got to really know some of the sides of me that had been buried underneath achievement, like funny stuff. So that's one piece of it. Another piece of it is one of the most critical things that I ever did in my life was I went through a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Program, because I've always been like high energy, and I've always been super energetic, and there's nothing that's going to make that stop, because that's just kind of who I am, but I didn't realize how much anxiety and stress I had been under and chronic pain can really kick that off into high gear where you're just amygdala hijacked. So that really helped me so much to slow down. But then what I really realized through reading a lot of different books, so I don't come to mindfulness like a yogi or, you know, like a Buddhist, but what I found is that mindfulness is really foundational to self awareness, and I learned that you can break any pattern if you can deconstruct it like if you think of a behavior or something that you react to, and you think, Wait a minute, how did I think that thought? And all of a sudden, I'm reacting this way. If you look at it like self awareness, a good example is a sandwich. Imagine you've got two pieces of bread, some turkey and tomatoes, and I don't like condiments. I like ketchup, So, but anyway,

Alex Husner  
not a condiment, yeah? Well, no, I like

Shelley Brown  
brand new today. Okay, so let's add the ketchup. So you got two pieces of gluten free toast, hold the vegan cheese, because it sucks. And then you've got turkey and that, no offense, vegan, sorry, um, tomato, whatever, you've got this sandwich. And if you deconstruct any behavior, and I was talking to somebody about this yesterday, she's like, I have my days all planned out. And every time something like throws a curveball in my day, I like, freak out, and I'm like, okay, okay, I get that. I used to be like that, like, I just had to be so rigid and planned out. She's like, okay, let's talk about this. What happens when you get that email or somebody calls you and say you need to do this project? What is it? What is the immediate is it? Is it negative or positive? And she's like, well, it's negative. I'm like, okay, that's your top piece of bread. And then how do you feel in your body? Where do you feel it? In your body? She's like, I, I clench my my, it's like, I automatically, like, clench up. I'm like, All right, there's your tomato. So you've got a negative feeling, you've got your clenching and then what are the thoughts in your head? And of course, there were some expletives and like, I can't believe this, my day was perfect. I'm like, Okay, there's your turkey. And then what happens? She's like, I'll just be like, reactive, like, my whole day is screwed up, and now what am I going to do? And I'm like, alright, that's your other piece of bread. So and Annie, this is kind of like the let them thing, because if we can make a choice, if we know our behavior patterns, and we make a choice at every point. Every component, you've got your bread, you've got that feeling, oh my gosh, it's negative. You have a choice right there. Let them, let me, right? It's that same thing. We call it choice point. A lot of people in mindfulness call it choice point. Then you've got the clinching, okay, that's the tomato. You've got another choice point. Then you got the turkey, your thoughts in your head. Okay, I don't have to, like, freak out and like, go ballistic or reactive, and then that's another choice point. So we can, we can really change every single pattern if we can understand what's happening with that process, we just have to break the chain.

Annie Holcombe  
I will never eat a turkey sandwich the same way again. Turkey and I'm gonna think twice about what I put on it. That's really funny. I think that's a great way to look at it, like it's almost like compartmentalizing each little piece of it so you can deconstruct it and decide, like, how you react or don't react, or whatever. And so I think that's that's super important. And so going to your, your weird that, your acronym, like doing, how did you come up with that? Was that, again, another part of this process, or just, again, something else that came along later in your in your speaking and kind of working and coaching people? So it

Shelley Brown  
it's funny, because if you, if you think about the acronym, it really is embedded in mindfulness, it's it, my, my, the most important leadership traits as far as I'm concerned are presence and self awareness. Because being present is the greatest gift that you can give to another person, and and self awareness is your North Star. It's your compass for really being able to see if you are in alignment with your values. So the weird acronym is really about presence. It's really about the concept of context, of what mindfulness is really about and it kind of extends to well, it really does extend to my other talks. Step into exceptional leadership is all about not being cookie cutter and really taking the time to be present for somebody else. What is their purpose? Why do they want to be part of this organization? You know, not our own organizational purpose, but what are their gifts and talents, and how can they utilize them? And I think it's our responsibility as leaders to be present, to ask those questions, to practice curiosity and really get to know and be a scholar of that person and get to know that person's weird. You know, what makes them unique? What makes them different? What parts of them can they bring into the workplace? So that's where the weird came from. And then in terms of rebel leadership, it is a lot about our own narratives and disrupting those so that we can lead with legacy.

Alex Husner  
I love it. I love it. I have a feeling you probably, you journal quite a bit. I would imagine every day, every day, okay, yeah, maybe tell us a little bit about that, because that's something that I'm personally interested in. I go through bouts where I'm I'm more consistent and doing it often and not other it's that I'm in my phone, writing my in my journal, or I do audio if I'm driving. But then sometimes it's like, you fall into that rut of like, then I'm like, What was I doing for three months? Like, why didn't I keep going? And it's so interesting to look back on it, too, of like, you know, one you forget what happens in the day to day of your life. And so it's interesting to go interesting to go back and read it. But like to read back when you're in a different place in your life, what you were thinking at a certain time. Like, it's really, it's kind of cool, right? I mean, like it gives you, it's, you know, self awareness, 101, to be able to see yourself that way. But maybe just tell us a little bit about how you journal best practices. I think that's something that our audience

Shelley Brown  
Sure, sure. And it's super funny, because I have a side of myself, and I think, you know this Annie, like, I'm whimsical, and I'm wearing a gown and I have like, big tattoos. Oh, thank you. Oh, my gosh, wow. Call myself a girl dragging the tattoos. Yep. So and these came from riding across the country on a Harley Davidson with my an ex boyfriend who was a Harley Davidson biker. And I didn't know I could make my own art, so I put it on my body. It was a form of rebellion that was very different than what I'm talking about. But anyway, so besides being an artist and being really whimsical and like all that stuff, I'm like, strangely incredibly disciplined. And so when I establish a routine, it's very hard. It's hard. It won't be broken. Put it that way. So I started. Journaling years ago, and I do it first thing in the morning, even before I have coffee. I know people freak out with that one, but literally, I have stacks of empty journals and filled up journals, and I love it because it gives a clean slate to the day. Sometimes, when I've had like, an amazing day. The day before, I'll be like, Oh my gosh, that was the most amazing day. But one of the things that I don't do is reflect on a crappy day. I don't write about that, because each day is new. And so I look at my journal as a page of possibility and what I want to bring to the day. And I mean, I wrote about you two in my journal today, and I probably wrote about it for a few days. And I don't like the word manifesting. I'd rather call it one manifesting, but I do. I like to claim things. I'm very optimistic, and I love to claim what I want to happen. And I love to practice gratitude in my journal. Like that's a really, really big part of it. I write about some challenges, but mostly it's like journals of what could actually happen in this day, what I want to bring into the day, and exciting things that I'm looking forward to, and things that I hope and one of my favorite things, and I'm going to go off on a little tangent. If you have seen on LinkedIn, the best in row, Annie, you might have seen that. Have you seen my best in row? If you didn't, that's okay. Oh no, yeah. So I journal every time I'm going to travel to an event I write about. Oh yes,

Annie Holcombe  
the pictures, okay, yeah, sounds interesting. Best in row, yeah? The best, yes. Okay,

Shelley Brown  
yeah. So I literally, like, days before I travel, I get so excited, and I'm always excited about the events where I'm going to speak, but I'm also excited about the person I'm going to meet on the plate, sitting next to me, and so I write about this, I'm going to meet my best a row. They're going to become my friend. It's going to be amazing, right? And every time I get on a flight, I always sit in the aisle seat, in case I have to run off mid flight. I'll be closer to the door. You know?

Annie Holcombe  
Parachute ready? Yeah,

Shelley Brown  
yeah. You know, it's funny, I don't have flight anxiety, but because I get so excited to speak at my events, my nervous system gets confused, sure, because it's the same hormones, it's adrenaline and cortisol. So I'm excited to speak at an event, and I'm on a flight, and I'm like, Oh, I have flight anxiety, but no, I don't, because when I fly home, I'm like, yeah, look at me. Chill fire, yeah. But I do. I write about my best in row, and it almost always happens that I met the most amazing people on my flights. Yeah, I

Annie Holcombe  
saw one post that you did where you were speaking at in for the technology company, I think you were in France, and you met some people, and then you ended up, like, having dinner with them and traveling, like, doing a bunch of stuff within France. It wasn't just this, like, random on a plane, and that was it, you like, ended up having some experiences with these people, right? Yeah. It was

Shelley Brown  
actually best in baggage claim. My my Uber app was not working, right, and I was in nice and I had to go to con. So I saw a man speaking English to his young daughter. She was like, nine, and I walked up to him, and I said, Do you happen to Are you familiar with con? And he said, Oh yeah, I live in con, and I also live in in New Hampshire, and I or New England. So I said, Oh, is it okay to take a taxi? You know, you're in a foreign country, you don't always know. And he said, Where are you going? And I told him, and he said, Oh no, we'll take you. We have a driver. We'll take you. So I went with them, and he goes, Do you mind if we stop by and stop by my house? And at this point, like I'm talking with them, and I trust them, and people are like, what did you do? So we go to we go to his house, and we pick up this 89 year old mom, and we go to an Italian restaurant in con i have lunch with them. They drop me off at my hotel. I speak for in for and then the next day I'm free, and this gentleman and his daughter picked me up, and they take me all over, like to grass, which is the perfume capital of the world, and we went to lunch and they and then they pick me up for dinner, so I'm still in touch with them, and I it's amazing,

Annie Holcombe  
what an amazing experience if you're just open to the what the world's gonna deliver to you. I mean, I think we all can learn from that. Wow, yeah.

Alex Husner  
And, I mean, it really is about being mindful, though, of like you have to put yourself in that position, because it's really easy. And when you're flying, you're stressed out, like you're worried about times getting to the gate and everything. When you get on the plane, you're ready to get wherever you're going, and it's like, if you don't stop before then to think about, I can't wait who I'm going to meet on this plane today, like you're going to get into that rut, right? And I, I've found myself thinking similar many times that like, whenever we go on vacation, or whenever we go to a conference, or whenever I travel, I always do think that I've never it's never hit me until now. Have you saying it? But like, I think in my mind, like, when I get back from wherever I'm going, I'm going to be a different person, because I'm going to have met people that I didn't even know existed, you know, and like, I think for me, in my career, that's been something that's just been very exciting to me that I worked for one company for 13 years, and when I left, and I've done several different things since then, like, I've met so many more people in my lifetime that I did I didn't even know existed. And it's like, you know, to think about how many more people all of us will meet in our lifetime that we don't know are even in existence right now, and how they're going to touch our lives. Like, it's kind of exciting, you know, like, meet all my new friends. I

Unknown Speaker  
love that.

Annie Holcombe  
And that was saying, that's, that's saying, I think it's strangers or strangers or friends you haven't met yet. Yeah,

Alex Husner  
exactly, yeah, exactly. I mean, I love that, you know, we I always, gonna say, I mean, Annie and I were strangers at one point, so gotta start somewhere. I

Shelley Brown  
think I look at everybody like a friendship waiting to happen. And when I even on LinkedIn, I literally anytime somebody sends me a connection request or I send one, I read their about session, and I look at the post that they share as much as I can. I probably have more time than both you, you know, being being self employed and stuff, but you can get the best snapshots of people and what they care about and what they value. And sometimes I read these things, I'm like, wow, I just know I'm going to really, really enjoy getting to know this person. And by the way, anybody in sales, if you're not doing that, you're missing out on a big, big way to really make a real connection with people. Yeah,

Annie Holcombe  
I wanted to, I wanted to point out something you had done for me a couple of different times, where you private messaged me on a post, or when I started my sub stack and like, sent me some like, words of encouragement, and just how it hit you. And I remember thinking, I don't know this person, she seems amazing, but that you took the thought and the time to not just say thumbs up, or I like, or, you know, just let you you wrote a very thoughtful message to me multiple times. And what was interesting about it is at least two of the times that I can think of, they came at exactly the right moment when I was sitting there having those tomatoes in my head, you know, like, or turkey, whichever part of the sandwich it is. I was just having, I was just having anxiety about some things and and I was reacting to things, and it you, it just hit me that it goes back to another friend of ours who always says, like, you just like when you're speaking, you connect with one person. It doesn't have to be everybody. And it's kind of the same thing. It's like your post doesn't have to resonate for every single person. Your sub stack doesn't have to resonate for anybody, but it might resonate for one, and that's where the difference is made. And so I just, I needed that like encouragement at that moment to say, like, okay, like, it hit you. It meant something to you. So if it meant something to you, then what I felt was it was needed, and I really appreciated you doing that. So I think it's, I think it's something that we I try to be more mindful of and practice and reach out to people and give them encouragement, even if I don't know if they need it. I just feel like if I'm being encouraged, that they should know that I'm being encouraged. So thank you for that. I appreciate

Shelley Brown  
it. You're welcome, and I love your writing, by the way, and we talked a lot about joy, but I wanted to say one of their things. So I really appreciate that. You know that is all that's one of the biggest parts of my message is again, obviously, with belonging. We all want to be seen. We all want to be known. We all want to know that we matter. And in this crazy world with social media and LinkedIn and Instagram and all of us trying to be heard. It's like, if you look at what you're doing, that there's just one person who who may need to hear what you have to say. It's like that audience of one when you think, when you have that mindset, like, I feel like in our industry, and I still call myself part of the industry that's that's the practice of hospitality, being super intentional about just the care right, and helping people feel we're all here to help each other on. Journeys and so often, especially with how many distractions in our digital world, we're sometimes doing the exact opposite, right? And so if we can have that intention, we don't have to do it perfectly. It's not an invitation for shame when we don't. But I definitely think as leaders, that that has to be an intention. And I think what gets in the way a lot is is stress and anxiety and thinking about the future and not being present.

Alex Husner  
Yeah, that's true. That's true. I'd like to dig in a little bit more on you mentioned this early on, and then it kind of came back there, but about how you kind of struggled initially with relationships and transactional and how they were more transactional. But then you also mentioned, just now of you know, you really should be reading somebody's LinkedIn and finding those ways to connect with them. So how do you coach people on that? I mean, like, what are some tips on how you can build those relationships in a less transactional way again, and knowing that not every company or person that you come into contact with is going to be your best friend on the airplane, type of situation that sometimes I do just want to have a transaction. But if you're someone that finds fulfillment in those relationships, like, what can you do?

Shelley Brown  
Yeah, yeah, it's, it's really interesting, because there's always such a push pull, right? We want the numbers, we've got quotas, we've got KPIs, we've, I know, I've been worked in technology, where you have a certain amount of phone calls that you need to make and a certain amount of demos that you need to do, and a certain amount of whatever. But even just like in an email or in a message, looking at something about somebody and in an authentic way, finding a point of connection. If you even have just a minute to glance, you're going to find a point of connection with somebody. And if you start with that, that helps people so much immediately, because they're like, oh, wait, wow, how did they know that about me? Or they because you took the time, and it doesn't take very long. And another thing is, I pick up the phone still. I know it sounds really weird, but I mean, I'm in sales too, right? Because I'm a speaker. So I pick up the phone. And it was so funny because I picked up the phone and called somebody, and they answered, and they said, Hi, this is so and so. I'm like, Hi, this is Shelly. How are you? And they literally paused, like, Wait a minute. Somebody's actually asking, How are I think we're so like, okay, it's got to be a telemarketer, right,

Annie Holcombe  
right? Yeah,

Shelley Brown  
right. But, like, I don't know. I always ask, how are you? It stops people. And you know what? Right there is the best moment to be. Like, I know it's kind of weird, because first of all, people don't pick up the phone. Second of all, most people don't ask you how you are and actually wait for you to respond to that. So I mean, the littlest things make the biggest difference. And I just think if we just took an extra minute or two to personalize our approach. And one other thing Alex is I was looking at a particular service and and reached out to find out about it. And the person said, Oh, I'd let's have a zoom call. And immediately, without asking really anything about me, could not wait to show me their pitch deck. And I was just like, Who in the world taught you that anything about that is okay? It's really a minute. It's just, how are you? How's your day? Happy Friday. What littlest things make the biggest difference? Because people want to be seen, heard and known, right? Yeah, I think that the other thing is that that self awareness piece again, it's like, who am I wearing? It's like, whose clothes am I wearing today? Am I wearing the bad ass? Am I wearing the I can't show emotion? What? What am I doing that is blocking me from my own sense of belonging. That's something we don't always talk about. We're always talking about how we can foster belonging for the people that we lead. And we don't even focus on our own sense of belonging and the ways we feel like we don't belong, or the masks that we I hate to use that word anymore, but you know, whatever it is that we're wearing that's not ours. Yeah,

Annie Holcombe  
I hate that term, fake it till you make it. Because I always, and I did a, I did a blog about it, I feel like teaching people to go to that as their fallback of like how they're getting through it gives you that. Notion that you have to be someone false to be successful, like you can't be who you authentically are. And Alex and I, when we first started doing the podcast, we got, we got this habit from a friend that was like, you know, every year you get rid of five things that don't serve you. You pick a song to lead you through the next year. You pick like a mantra, you pick a word. And so we, we actually so for our first, our first to the month January episode every year, we kind of do a recap, but then we introduce our words and talk about why we've chosen them and what they are. And a couple

Unknown Speaker  
of years ago,

Annie Holcombe  
it's so great. It's like, I start thinking about it like in late October, like I really need to put some thought into it, but the first word that I chose was authentic, and that year was so pivotal for me to kind of come out of my shell and understand like who I was, and really embracing that, like I'm a unique individual and I'm needed in various places, and I'm not, you know, I may feel out of place in a square peg, in a round hole, or whatever you want to say, but that that I'm I'm a peg that is needed in places, and I'll be put in those places that I'm needed if I'm just open to those opportunities and quit trying to pretend or mold myself into what I think every situation needs, because there's rooms that I'm not fit for, and there's rooms that I am, and it's finding those rooms that I am. And so I think that that's that's important to, like you said, to focus on yourself and really find your footing, because without your footing, you can't help other people find theirs.

Shelley Brown  
Yes, thank you for that, too. And I feel that from you, from the things that I've read, you know, on and off LinkedIn. And I appreciate that so much. And people do appreciate that in any in any situation. You know, I think, I think we all aspire to be the most us we can be. And I think we are like, when we're kids, and then the world kind of swallows us up. And I think that at later on, we're like, trying to reconnect to the person that we were when you were younger. And I think I don't mean like be a kid. I'm talking about our who we are, our before we get, like, sucked up into craziness, and then when we finally kind of reconnect, we realize that we're more like we were when we were kids, in a lot of ways. And if you ever see a childhood friend, I don't know, Alex, if you had friends from when you were they knew who you they know who you are. Even if they haven't talked to you in 40 years, 30 years, 20 years, they know the essence of the person that you are. I always think that's fascinating. Yeah,

Alex Husner  
it definitely is. And I've got, gosh, three girlfriends from high school and college in particular, that I stay in touch with. And sometimes it's we'll go sometimes a few months and not talk, but we'll text, but then we see each other, and it's like, right back to the beginning. You know, the same things make us laugh like that. We still, we get each other in such, like, a unique way. But and I read something interesting the other day about, like, you know the way to stay, to stay true to yourself as you grow is to really maintain those relationships, right? Those the people that knew you before you are who you are now, because you do you. I mean, you, you mold to certain situations and people and environments as you grow, but those people that knew you before all that that's still who you are inside, and then hopefully you're still, you're not terribly different than that. Now that's a good thing, but it's just, it's good to have that reminder, you know? And for some people that that's family, right? But for some people, it is friends too. Mm,

Shelley Brown  
hmm, I agree. So

Annie Holcombe  
tell us about your speaking, because, again, I've been watching you for a while, and you do, like, you've spoken for some really large organizations. I mean, infor is a big PMS and technology company in the hotel side of the space. You think you've done some stuff with, like Microsoft and Apple or one of the two, and like, some just very large companies. So how did you, how did you go from cocktail waitress to, like, doing these, you know, having the gumption, I guess, to to get up there and do it.

Shelley Brown  
Thank you. So I absolutely love speaking. I mean, I love it because I love the energy exchange. And the more that I do it, the more fun it is to do a lot of interactive things with with the audiences and plus, so let me ask you to answer your question first. So again, I wanted to serve the industries that I had come from, and I thought that I had a really important message and coming out of the pandemic, even though I had spoken, you know, some some virtual stuff during the pandemic, and I spoke on mindfulness before, but this message on belonging has always been authentic to me, and I really didn't know that so much of this industry needed it as bad as as they needed this message, you know, especially coming out of the pandemic, after what travel, after what vacation rental, after what hospitality, what we'd all. Been through, and so being able to speak again at live being able to have live events and and engage people in a way that made them feel really good, but also with some really practical and tactical ways to continue building and fostering belonging. So I it just happened organically. And so because I kind of stayed niche in the industry, hotels and and tourism and and hospitality organizations heard me speak, and they're like, oh, we need you. We want you to speak. Then it like, kind of got into, like, Dallas Mavericks, and I'm speaking at the Dallas Mavericks. And then it was Allianz travel insurance, and then benchmark electronics, and it's been great. So I have a few different signature talks. One is the belonging equation, and it's very, very fun. I'm an artist. All my slides are my own original artwork. And so people are either like, okay, she's got a gown on, she's got tattoos, there's art, she's like, telling funny stories. Because I think the thing that I like to do as a speaker when I start speaking is to make people feel safe, like I'm not speaking at them. We're all like, doing this thing in this room, and we're all together. We're never going to have this moment again, right? So obviously, I am story driven, because, especially in the industry, telling relatable stories, and people have those moments like where they're either laughing or feeling the feels, or like, Oh my God, I didn't know other people felt that way, or whatever it is, and then getting more into the actionable items. So I have the belonging equation. I have a talk called the power that called the ditch the should show and it's all about our should narratives. Because we collect shoulds throughout our lives, from family, from culture, from work, from society, and unless we kind of take an inventory of those shoulds that are driving us and decide whether they are true for us, it can really derail us in a lot of ways. So that's one talk. Another talk is step into exceptional leadership, which is sort of a Sarah Jessica Parker shoe kind of theme to it. Yeah. And it's about, well, I have my Birkenstocks on now we talk,

Alex Husner  
we are definitely all barefoot or slippers or Birkenstocks. So

Shelley Brown  
exactly. So that talk is really about making sure that you are leading each individual as an individual, because the one size fits all doesn't, doesn't fit. And then there's my breaking the hard rules, and what I mean by that. And when I say rebel, I mean, look at me. I'm not like, oh, you know it is. Again, it's really about leadership and legacy and making sure that we are not perpetuating these leadership traits that were never written for us or by us, but yet we bought into them and again, and it's really fun. I rap in that talk. I have a rap I have an improv game. I mean, look, people don't hire a speaker because they want, you know, 20,000 lessons, you want to feel like you're not being spoken at. You want to feel like you're with, you're you're hearing something that that you can agree with, that you have an aha moment, that you'll learn a few things from, but also that you're entertained, and that you enjoy the time that that person is up on stage, and, you know, God willing, I enjoy me. And apparently people have said that they do. So that's good thing.

Alex Husner  
Here's a question. So as you were saying that, I mean, we think, like, I think in a lot of companies, people are nervous sometimes to speak out, like, if they're thinking, I don't really like how things are being done, or, like, I think differently on this and like, but you don't want to go against the grain of the company, right? And you don't want to be seen as, like, the one who's just not agreeing with things and but sometimes, when you do do that, that's that's kind of how you're labeled, as you're labeled, I think happens more with women. For sure, you're labeled as being difficult, right? How do you coach people to be a rebel and to lead authentically, to be authentic, to speak their truth, to how they think things should be in a way that is not going to rock the boat, but is going to let that? They can do that, and it's going to be good for not only them, but the people around them. So I think that's what a lot of

Shelley Brown  
people struggle that's such a great question. And it starts macro, and then it goes micro, because macro is you. It has to do with the psychological safety of a culture, right? For sure you feel safe if you feel safe enough, because I believe that belonging is safety and choice. You need to feel safe about the things you don't have a choice about, things like your skin color, your your you know, gender identification, things like that. But then you need to feel safe to choose your level of authenticity. What do I want to share about myself that I want people in my organization to know so that I do have a sense of safety. The whole thing about bring your whole self to work to me as BS, we don't want to necessarily, you know, see the unhinged Ikea furniture building, you know, person at work, right? But we want to feel safe enough, and so it's macro, is the whole culture. And then it starts with leaders, because leaders are obviously responsible for for promoting that feeling of safety and going first take. And when leaders go first, people will follow. So, you know, if leaders go first, and they take the risk to share innovative and new ideas, and then also, I think leaders have to, have to come from a place of when you're receiving an idea, when you're receiving a suggestion, when you're receiving somebody standing up for the unpopular opinion. Being in that receiver mode, in a mindful way, you're that person's giving you a gift, and it it is an opportunity for you to say, if you don't agree with it, then then improv it yes and and expand on it, or take it in before you respond, and sit with it. But on the part of the person who is afraid, I would say, start small. Find that one person that you can trust, first, run it by and and ask that person for what you need? Do you need that reactive opinion about what I'm saying? Do you need me to just listen? Do you need me to help you say it in a way that is going to be met with more curiosity than it is? You know, you're a rebel, you're a you're a disrupter, that kind of thing. So I think we all have a responsibility on our own part to do it in the safest way possible. And sometimes you can't. Sometimes you're going to put yourself at risk for having to speak something into your organization that may not be popular, but the only person that you can be for in that moment is you. And if that's your truth, and it means shaking things up, are you willing to take that risk and be vulnerable? Because you know what, what's the best that could happen? Yeah, well,

Alex Husner  
and it's also really nice when you say something, and even if you don't get agreement in the moment, but then a year or two later, you look back and you realize you were heck, right, yeah, right. That's on, right? I've had that happen in my career. I was

Shelley Brown  
just gonna say Alex, and you say approval.

Alex Husner  
It's important, of like, sometimes you can feel deflated when you're like, all right, nobody's understanding what I'm saying right now and then eventually it comes very clearly you were right, but it's good to keep track of those things, not not to go rub it in anybody's face, but like, just for your own personal knowledge, of like, okay, it worked out. I didn't get in trouble for saying what I said. But like, ultimately, whether they listen or not, I was right, so I should keep saying what I'm saying, because what I'm saying makes sense, but

Shelley Brown  
And in those moments when you're getting met with like, oh my god, I can't believe they said that, I think one of the most important things is giving yourself some Grace that you actually did speak up. And then also remembering that moments in time are moments in time and and that that reactivity may not like last forever, and you're not going to be labeled a disruptor forever, you know what I mean. And then there's, there's people who who are going to go along with group think and still continue to think that you're a disrupter, but everything's just a moment, even if it's a few days, a few weeks, or just one part of your career journey. Honestly,

Annie Holcombe  
yeah, it's a chapter in your book. Which, speaking of books, you have a book that you you've written two, or one,

Shelley Brown  
I got a second one, second one.

Annie Holcombe  
Okay, second one's coming out. About that, so what's what's next on the horizon for Shelly Brown?

Shelley Brown  
Oh my gosh. So really, the rebrand and making sure that people understand, you know, not making sure, but doing what I can to. To help people understand about this rebel in a gown and rebel leadership and what that means, and really honing in on the values of it. Which I which I actually posted as I was doing my core exercise. I don't know if you saw that I posted me doing sit ups, and I'm like, here's the core values.

Yeah, so I think it's really just getting people to to understand the brand, and there's a lot of speaking opportunities on the horizon. And hey, hey,

Alex Husner  
at our vacation rental conferences for sure. And yeah, we can get you involved. I mean, I think there's, there's a lot of people that are very hungry for this information and more of a focus. I think the conferences are realizing like this is also, I mean, you can have the best products, best technology, the best business practices in the world. But if you don't have people that have their head space, mind mindset, you know, in the right place to operate all those things, then it's never going to be successful. So thank you would bring a ton of value. But thank

Unknown Speaker  
you. I'm

Alex Husner  
really happy that we had the first episode that I it was my fault. I never hit record, right? I'm glad that happened, because now we had such a great conversation today. We all got to dress up. You know, my husband was like, why are you wearing that? We're playing dress up. And, yeah, so great to catch up with you, Shelly and if anybody wants to be in touch, we're going to make sure we keep your or we put your contact info in the show notes. But what's the easiest way, if anybody's listening and just want to know how they can reach out? Sure?

Shelley Brown  
So I am on LinkedIn, and I'm on Instagram, Shelly brown official, and my email address is Shelly Brown, official.com and I'm S, A, T, L, L, E, y, brown, official.com and it's not because I'm so official. It's just that Shelly brown.com was already taken. Yeah. Thank you.

Alex Husner  
If anybody wants to get in touch with Annie and I, you can go to Alex and Annie podcast.com and until next time, thanks for tuning in, everybody. Thank you so much.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai